Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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