I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
