My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
