GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
