FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
