I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
