just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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