You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
