After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
