Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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