they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
