So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i think i have two assholes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
