we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
