you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
