My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
