i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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