Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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