You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
