New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
