Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
now i know why i became what i already was.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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