Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
