Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
