that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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