life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
