Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
