There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
