I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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