Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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