my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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