Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
