I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
