Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
