I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
