It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So much rum. So many feels.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
