i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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