Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
