In the future we'll all be gay
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
