you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
