Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
