After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
