I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
