i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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