JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
