Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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