i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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