I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
