Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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