If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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