Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
