I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
