he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
