I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
