Duck Duck Cougar?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
