we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
