Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
