i think i have two assholes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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