Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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